The New Normal

My cousin Julie, who became a new mom just a few months ago, asked in a recent email whether Deb and I had adjusted to the new normal. I thought the question was a good one and the phrase quite apt. Nothing is the same as it was before, nothing is really back to what we would have once called normal. So, what exactly is the new normal like? And have we adjusted to it?

1. The new normal involves the adaptation of almost every single activity. For example, Dad's time reading the sports on the internet is now also often time spent holding Tiernan to keep him occupied. He's been reading along with me and is convinced the Blue Jays are going to do really well this year!

2. Bed times are earlier and sleep is never for long periods of time. I miss sleeping in on Saturday mornings, as I usually get up and look after Tiernan for a few hours since I don't have to go to work. Deb misses just getting more than three or four hours of sleep at a time!

3. Conversations with other people begin and end with discussion of Tiernan. Usually the middle is pretty focused on him, too. We have crossed over into parenthood and now we find ourselves further differentiated from our friends without babies, both single and married. Having now gone through the life-changing process of having a baby, it's hard for me not to think that everyone should notice how much the world has changed now that my son is in it. However, I'm well aware that I probably didn't pay much attention to the births of children of our friends and family. I've resolved to do better in the future, though that resolve might be forgotten because of fatigue!

4. Garbage now outpaces recycling. We can no longer claim to recycle more than we throw out and I'm afraid that the dirty diapers are to blame. We've considered cloth diapers, honestly we have, but there seems so much to do in a day right now that we can't really imagine adding more. So, sorry to all you environmentalists and to the environment itself.

5. Normal now actually involves a lot of good quality couple time. Mostly because Deb's not at work anymore and balancing a shift-work schedule. We actually sit down for supper at the kitchen table at around 6 p.m. every night. And we talk. I don't miss eating supper alone on the couch in front of the t.v. while my wife is at work. We also spend a lot of time doing things as a family, like bathing Tiernan, or playing with him, or trying to get him through a fussy evening (which this week was every evening).

6. Normal also now involves many brand new activities. We are being initiated into the activities of parenthood's secret society. Like today, when we went to a Kid's Swap Meet. Previously, I avoided such things like the plague. Today, Deb and I plunged in. Well, okay, maybe we waded in more than plunged in. Admittedly, there was some trepidation, but we knew we'd survived bazaars in Africa, so we'd probably be okay. It was a somewhat chaotic experience, but we were able to get a few things that we needed at very reasonable prices. We'll go again to the next one in the fall, I imagine, and soon it will be old hat. Just part of the routine of parenthood.

There's a lot more to say and a lot more to discover about the new normal, but I think I need to go get some sleep. So, are we adjusting to the new normal? Yes, I believe we are. In some ways this is hard, but overall we really do prefer things the way they are now. Which I guess is a good thing, because there's nothing we can do about it now, is there?